I didn’t have a place to put my short reviews together for months, so I am a bit behind on a movie update. My memory being how it is, I’m recycling some of my notes and already-posted reviews, so there will be a mix of tone and verbosity going on here. To help, I’ve broken these up into sections.
Movies I Watched Before January
The Shrouds
I didn’t review this movie when I first saw it, on whole because I was frustrated by the way it and the main character in the movie viewed and treated women. So, TLDR, no thanks.
Dracula (2025)
A very pretty movie. In the last year I’ve seen 2 Nosferatus and 2 Draculas so this story’s flaws are starting to stand out, but I get the hype.
No Other Choice
A movie I can’t properly review without spoiling it, but the essential plot is that a guy is frustrated about his career and proceeds to do bonkers things to save it. Gave me some visceral stress at times. I had a nice giggle at the dancing scene, at least.
Shelby Oaks
Well, that happened. Part found footage, part typical slow-as-fuck, poorly acted horror movie featuring themes one can get from better movies like Rosemary’s Baby and Hereditary. Or go binge Ghost Hunters. I liked the fair rep of 2008 internet and always nice to see BSIII, at least.
Descendant
Sci-horror? One of the better versions of “wtf is reality” but still slow and frustrating to watch. Reminded me of something I’d have randomly caught after midnight 23 years ago and not shut off for the lack of anything else to do. I should probably watch Superman or something.
Black Bag
A sleek, subtly male gazey popcorn movie. Spy movies are not my favorite and Sherlock-style “out-thinking the problem” characters irritate me as it feels like the author’s jerking off in our faces, but the movie was quick and to the point with a sharp ending.
Warfare
This movie was a great reminder to listen to Ministry to cleanse oneself of propagandic “nostalgia”. People have mentioned the sound design of the movie, and yes, it was good. It was technically good all-around. But yeah. My generation needs a fucking nap.
Predator Badlands
Manic Pixie Dream Android? Yautja will do anything but go to therapy? The artists and visual effects people must have had a fun time plotting this one out. Felt like a project kid me would have done creating absurd plants and wildlife for an alien world.
Sick and Rewatching Movies I’ve Already Seen
The Martian
Despite the startling lack of “boil ’em, mash ’em, stick ’em in a stew” with all them taters, I rather enjoyed that, during a scene Lord of the Rings is mentioned and another character is confused, Boromir himself is the one to explain.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer
One of my favorite movies as a kid/teen in the 90s. Sometimes youthful favorites don’t hit as an adult, and for that I was nervous to rewatch it, but I had the movie’s cheer song stuck in my head so I did the thing.
Some of the movie cuts felt a bit too quick for what I’m used to in the future, and I kept wondering how old Pike was, but overall it’s a decent, fun, feministic movie I’d still recommend to the preteen-to-teen crowd.
This period of time (in real life) and era of film was a reminder that, on the whole, big popular movies have tended towards the dark, heavy, and mopey over the last 20-some years. Real life has certainly reflected that in the last ten. The bright colors, the neon city background, the notion of hope with a sprinkle of aimless capitalism because OMG Becky, the Future Is Here… Why did we go from weird Spongebob flowers and Day-Glo everything to beige and safe shades of blue? Certainly none of this is a feature thought of the movie itself, but in retrospect of 34 years, it stands out. All in all, it had me thinking I should probably watch more comedies.
Wall-E
First time rewatching, 17? years later.
The 2001: A Space Odyssey theme coming on at just the right time about made my day.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
I can’t remember the last time I watched this, but my best guess is it was still the 90s and I was still young enough to appreciate it as-is. Perhaps it came on TV in the 2000s sometime and I caught it, but it’s been at least 20, probably closer to 30 years.
I was OBSESSED with TMNT as a kid. This came out at the perfect time, just before the crazy kid feelings for the show started to wear enough for me to care about the live-action Turtles being kinda weird. I was cautious to rewatch this and face the horror of my elementary school taste betraying me in any fashion. Alas, I think I’ll be okay. For the 1990 mild janky feelings mixed with the awkward way (if semi-appropriate for the characters) April is treated and the one “I’m not gay, BRO” moment, the overall messages of friendship and family, conquering one’s impulses so to do the right thing, not being led astray by weirdos with a hidden agenda because money/stuff, etc, adds up to a decent movie.
It’s funny in a way knowing a lot of the people from my generation who grew up on this franchise went on to enjoy Joker in unironic earnest. Or other, more prescient things one might do on the internet or about the world that involve interaction with humanity. Maybe the question of “Who’s your favorite Ninja Turtle?” was always an answer of “Foot.”
In other news, holy shit, that’s Sam Rockwell.
Fantasia
Hits way harder as an adult. Night on Bald Mountain is still 10/10. Fantasia as a whole has a feel to it like if an alien were dropped on Earth this movie should be among the first pieces of human culture it saw.
The Neverending Story
Today’s brutal neverending headache had the soundtrack of The Neverending Story. According to Fantasia lore, more of us should watch it to keep the dream of hope alive. Forever a classic.
Sleeping with the Enemy
I was derailed that a domestic abuse survivor with nothing somehow scored a $700 house rent alone with no questions asked, meanwhile every time I move I had to provide my firstborn plus fill out a giant stack of identity-proving papers.
Coneheads
It’s crazy how relevant its plot is to current day. It’s held up really well for being a silly 90s comedy.
The Slowdown Before The Oscars
Strange Harvest
Found footage horror for people who like true crime documentaries a lot.
The astronomy used in it was bad but what can one expect.
WORM.
Fire and Ice
If you like Conan The Barbarian, He-Man, or Wizards, this is your jam. Princess Mononoke also has similar story vibes. Hard not to notice its social flaws, especially 40+ years later, but otherwise it’s a nice brain nap in the realm of violence-minus-gore fantasy.
Downton Abbey The Grand Finale
Fine for not having watched any Downton Abbey since the last movie came out. My memory of the show’s details are spotty since it’s been a decade, which feels a lot like a lifetime ago now, but the “much ado about nothing” of the plots stood out after the last 10 years of unrelated TV. Maybe I’ve avoided newer comfort shows and it’s time to shift back to “nothing” TV. Maybe “Harold” was right about his comments on nostalgia, too: “Sometimes I feel the past is a more comfortable place than the future.”
Good Boy 2025
I want to hug the dog. 🙁
Sentimental Value
So it’s a movie featuring generational trauma, the holocaust, and actors being actors? No wonder it’s attracted awards.
For the billion and a half WW2 movies that never quit, how come we’re here right now?
Horror In The High Desert 4
A shiny silver guitar and a muumuu away from a Melvins music video. “Spread Eagle Beagle”, perhaps.
If you’re not an enthusiast of weird found footage horror, you will get little to nothing out of these movies. Some folks claim they’re scary – I find them more odd and comical. The atmosphere, set dec, general ideas are fun and scratch a certain itch. The pace, however, is BRUTAL. So slow. In four movies, solutions are still nowhere to be found, and it’s obvious the director is milking that. It’s akin to horror ASMR. But it’s also weird happenings set in the desert, and it’s hard to deny the beautiful scenery, the motivations of the central characters, and the small town true crime commentary. You’ll like this franchise if you like The Blackwell Ghost and wish Paranormal Activity had more midnight shaky cam, sentient trees, and mine shafts.
There will be a 5th movie, and of course I’m going to watch it because I am a sucker. Art!
Dead of Winter
I skipped a review of this one at the time, something about not feeling like the movie required it and I didn’t have the energy to search for something to talk about. The plot is that a lady gets involved in a guy’s shady business by happenstance and the shit quickly hits the fan. It’s not as complicated but it tangentially reminded me of Fargo. Kind of a “something to watch” movie and not one to necessarily seek out.
The Housemaid
I needed something low stakes. Yep. It reminded me of a book I read, which is weird, because this is based on a book I haven’t read. The thriller plot isn’t overly complicated (“Rich ppl, amirite?”) but there’s a tonal shift in it that probably feels fascinating to some.
Hamnet
Wouldst thou like to live lachrymologistically*?
I’m not a fan of Shakespeare but this wasn’t lathered in it. The feelings, however, were immense. Whatever they’ve won or will win is well-deserving and Zhao remains a favorite.
*It’s a made up ridiculous term from ancient internet lore about the band Tool. Basically living to cry. And the rest of the quote is from The VVitch when the goat tempts whatsherface with “delicious” living. Key people in Hamnet are accused of being witches.
Marty Supreme
I had to watch this in pieces since it was so long, and as such, I cared less what happened to everyone in the end. Not a fan of scammy, ego-driven characters, though. Otherwise very go, go, go, do, do, do and made me feel anxious for a while after. The honey thing… 🙁
Post-Oscars Recovery
Superman 2025
Well, I watched it. I should not have been fooled by the hype machine. I know that I best stomach dark, unsanitary superhero content and everything else feels like disposable kid stuff. Not that I cared about Superman when I was a kid. It was fine, watchable, whatever. Lesson re-learned.
Pillion
I’ve seen more generally rainbow movies than I have specifically about gay men, but it’s “nice” we’ve got bummer romances for all. Stupidassemotionallyunavailablepricks.
Had a laugh during an egg-related scene after remembering Once Were Warriors‘ “mik me sum iggs”.
Edit: I listened to a review of the movie by some folks in the BDSM community and the mere mention of the scene that caused the above italics made me cry, so, I would say the movie was quite effective. What I say in this post’s final full paragraph stands.
Wuthering Heights
Wow, it’s crazy how sometimes you watch two separate movies with wildly similar plot points on the same day. Iggs (so many eggs today, what the hell), tiny dogs, self-hating subs, sick parents, emotional ridiculousness, cardboard cut-out guy who’s mostly there to be hot for MC…
I haven’t read and don’t know the original source material but it was at least aesthetically interesting. Loved the sparkly blue room. Much of the second half of the movie was beautiful.
I can’t help but notice female gaze and the mid rating, but the corniness makes it hard to be anything more. Ah well. Try and try again.
Another Simple Favor
Well, I started to watch this, but I didn’t get five minutes in before I quit. I skimmed a bit but nothing there seemed valuable. For all the youtube crap I’ve half-watched while playing games or trying to get to sleep, the fact that I couldn’t get through this says a lot.
Exit 8
I’m sure it’s a challenge to come up with a full movie based around a game like this without it being too simple or off base from the game. Pace aside, this was interesting and fresh, with mild horror and a plot that felt logical. FFO Cube and “stuck someplace shitty” one-location movies.
Let Them All Talk
Randomly knocked out an older-but-sorta-recent movie in my queue. With the cast, what could go wrong? But it was better suited for insomnia and background noise. Everything was understated. I guess the dialogue felt natural? *shrug*
28 Years Later The Bone Temple
“yes pls may i have another. That was exactly what I needed today. 9/10 Moon Moon approved.” Crazy how fast one gets used to naked zombies. Perhaps TBT is not the most or best this or that, but what it did, it did well. It felt almost like a standalone movie that could be watched independent of the franchise, but some details would be weird or feel nonsensical without watching the prior movie(s) first. The album cover sold me before anything had happened – I literally laughed – but what ensued would have had teenage me hysterical and pressing rewind in a fucking hurry. That was magical.
Here’s something I don’t normally do: my favorites of the year so far. I’m not including movies I’ve already seen here, nor the movies I saw in the last weeks of December as they were all seen before I did my annual wrap-up. That really narrows it down to three:
28 Years Later: The Bone Temple
Hamnet
Exit 8
Would recommend those three to anyone who hasn’t seen them who are in any way inclined towards the titles, synopses, or their genres (horror, big deal drama, and sci-fi). Pillion was also a good movie but I wouldn’t recommend it on someone who isn’t interested in sexuality, kink, or queer culture content since it’s literally about a BDSM relationship and has sex/kink scenes a-plenty, none of which are given to the audience with their hand held. Even then, I can imagine certain in-the-weeds types feeling this movie was a poor representation even if it’s the first time I’ve seen a certain topic on screen before. Also, Wuthering Heights might be decent to the sort of person who can watch movies with their feet off the pedals and let it do the driving, but I’m a bit done on melodramatic bummer movies right now.
Looking forward to seeing Project Hail Mary. SOON.